One year? Really?

It is so hard to believe that it has been a year since I became Mrs. McAdams. What a wonderful year it has been! But, it went by SO fast!  We had a great time celebrating our day together...but I'll get to that a little later.

We went to Midland on December 2 and returned home on December 5. We had a wonderful time. We went to the Christmas Parade. We had Christmas lunch and exchanged gifts with Dustin, Courtney and Leighton. Then, on Sunday, we went to Leighton's first "Santa Show Off" dance recital. It was so cute!

The night before we left, it began to snow. Oh my it was BEAUTIFUL! We sat up and watched it until nearly 1 in the morning. It was too beautiful not to enjoy! I've never seen such big snowflakes. It was like a Winter wonderland!

But, just like all good things, it came to an end about halfway through our trip home on Monday. It was nerve-wracking to drive in (especially with my husband driving) but I really loved the quiet peace that came along with the snow covered rooftops and sidewalks.

My sister rode back with my mom. She and the boys got their car from the airport in Dallas and then they were on their way back to Longview. It was a fun filled trip, but as always, it is good to be home.  

I was hoping that my next post on this blog would be announcing a baby on the way. I've had lots of pregnancy symptoms...and I went to see Dr Doerrfeld on Thursday and he even thought it looked like I may be pregnant. He sent me for a serum test to verify. The first one came back inconclusive. The next one was negative. I was (am) devastated. I've cried, screamed punched the wall, cried some more, then finally got on my knees and prayed.  I don't understand why all of these things are happening with my body and yet the test is still negative. I mean, my temperature chart is indicative of pregnancy. My period is late, I've been abnormally tired. I have had random bouts of nausea, I'm SUPER emotional, My nose burns with smells that normally don't bother me. (Scrambled eggs=BARF!!!) I have dark blue veins all over my chest that are not normally there. My breasts feel extremely heavy. UGH! I just don't understand. 

Insert God's laughter at me trying to understand His Will. 

So, we are heading to Dallas tomorrow. I'm not waiting until January. I'm going to have surgery either January 17 or January 31 to have the cyst removed. At that point, we will be able to hopefully make some progress.  Otherwise, we will have already begun the IVF journey and will hopefully be able to begin our first cycle if not in February, by March for sure.  I AM TIRED OF MY HEART BEING BROKEN. Therefore, instead of sitting around waiting on it to happen, we are going to do everything in our power to MAKE IT HAPPEN.  

Now, back to our Anniversary:

We had planned on going out for sushi on Sunday night. Well, of course, our favorite sushi restaurant is closed on Sunday, so we opted for a nice, quiet dinner at home. Jake went and bought groceries (I made the list.)  While he was out, he picked up a cake from Baskin Robbins It is pictured below, alongside our top layer from our Wedding Cake. My mom had it in her freezer, but it wasn't packaged well...so it was ruined. I was pretty sad about that...so he tried to make up for it with his "back-up" cake. It made me smile. He always makes me smile :)

Our dinner was bacon wrapped cheesy chicken. It was divine! We also had baked potatoes.  We had sherbet punch in our wedding toasting glassed. It was yummy! 

I can honestly sit here and say that my life is beautiful. I love this man I am married too more and more every day. He is my love, my closest, truest friend, and my soul's companion. I am so very thankful to God for bringing this beautiful person into my life and into my heart. He had a plan all along. I remember crying myself to sleep and thinking I would never find a man who would love me the way Jacob does. And, then, when I finally stopped looking, there he was.  This is what gives me hope about having a child. God always shows up when we least expect Him to. So, I'm going to continue to be proactive in our journey to parenthood. But I'm choosing to not be angry anymore. I'm choosing to count my blessings, rather than my shortcomings. I'm choosing to be full of joy instead of resentment. I'm choosing love...because after all those years of despair, He chose me!