Once Upon A Time...

I had to share this somewhere. I didn't want to post it on facebook because I didn't want the millions of questions and the "congratulations" from those who just see the pic and don't read the caption...I just had to acknowledge it. Because, if for nobody else, this was and is still important to us.

I downloaded this app called TimeHop a couple of weeks ago. It's been really cool looking back at what I posted 4-5 years ago. Seeing how young I look...reading the posts about me and Jake getting engaged. Wedding planning....etc etc.

Until yesterday.

This was on my timehop. I literally felt my heart break. I knew the date was coming up. But, I guess I was hoping it would skip over this post. I actually thought I had deleted it...

I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember looking at that pregnancy test and thinking...no way. Are you sure??? I started crying and laughing at the same time. I was on birth control. This isn't even possible! WHAT?!?! I immediately called Jake and he came running in there and I handed him the test and he just smiled and hugged me and said "Congrats!" lol

Congrats? Um...what? 

Then he took a minute to let it sink in and he turned around and looked at me and said, "I'm gonna be a daddy! You're gonna be a mommy!" And the tears fell.

We left and went straight to my moms house. I walked in the door and she was waiting on me. She said, "what's wrong?" I said, "Mom...I'm gonna have a baby!" She jumped up and was crying by the time she grabbed me and kissed my cheek. She just kept saying over and over how happy she was. She hugged Jake and hugged me again. It was a beautiful moment. One that I will never ever forget. 

I called my sister at work. She was 8 months pregnant with Carlisle. She answered the phone and I said, "Sissy I have something to tell you. I'm pregnant!" She started crying. Yes. MY SISTER. lol! I went up to see her and she came up and hugged me and had tears running down her face. She was so happy. 

I was so happy. 

We were SO happy.

We went to the doctor and got our due date that day. I started planning. It was the most exciting feeling I've ever experienced.

I can't wait to feel that again.

I'll miss you every day of my life until I see you again my sweet baby.

Love, 

Baby McAdams' Mommy

Preparing our Tent

As most of you all know, we are back on track with our treatments. We went to see my RE and he cleared us to start the shots. This is something we have been trying to do since March. It's VERY expensive. But, we are willing to do whatever we have to do in order to pursue our dream :)

In my last post, I mentioned that I was really struggling with "Letting Go" and giving this completely to God. Now, mind you, it's not because I haven't wanted to...or even that I haven't tried. But I just felt like I had to hold on to a little of it. Just a smidgen.

Completely ridiculous on my part. lol!

After a very heartfelt conversation with my brother, I knew that I needed to turn it loose. He called me concerned about my well-being after a post I made about feeling like I was starting to get very depressed. He wasn't judging me whatsoever. He just kept telling me that he felt like he had some things laid on his heart that he needed to tell me. I listened to every word and I can honestly say that I felt so honored that he cared enough to call me and share what was on his heart.

So, I talked to my mom about it...and of course my husband. And, then I prayed. I asked God to take this fear away from me. The fear of letting go and the fear of failure and disappointment. I felt it leave my body. Like a huge burden just floated off of my shoulders and I felt free.

The time came for me to go see my RE this past Friday and for the first time, I wasn't scared. I was confident. I felt sure that we would be good to go. I normally post and ask everyone to pray for us before these appointments but I didn't really feel that way. I sent a few private messages to my close friends who have been praying us through this just to inform them of what was going on but that was it. And, just as I expected...everything was good!

Well, I started the injections on Saturday.  My mom gives them to me in my tummy. They are just little needles and it's relatively painless. But, I can't do it to myself. Lol! So, she blesses me with her nursing skills and takes care of it for me. Her husband told me last night, "Every time I see you you're shooting up!" lol! I was mixing the meds and it gave me a good laugh. Oh the stories I will have to share with our children when they get here :)

Yesterday as I was climbing into the pool at home, a facebook message popped up from my cousin, Jessica. This is what it said, "Isaiah 54:1-3 It was our message this morning and God put you on my heart!" I sent back a smile and told her thank you and that I would read it. I immediately went to the Bible app and searched for the scripture. This is what I read:
                  
“Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband says the Lord. “Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities."

Wow. Pretty powerful stuff. She then sent to me " I couldn't shake it and I knew God needed me to share it with you. The minute we started service, I had you on my heart." I replied "That's so cool. I read it to Jake and he said, what does that mean? lol. I said Looks like we need to start preparing our tent!;)" She said, "Our message after that scripture was be expecting that God is going to do it not just hopeful that he might!"  

This just smacked me right in the face and I got tears in my eyes. I told my mom about it when we went over for my shot and she thought it was pretty cool too.

So...here we go... we will start "preparing our tent" 

Love, 

Lori